Fog of War

So I've been home for about a month now to help my mom take care of my dad, who is very sick. He was sick earlier this year too - all of January and February, but no one knew what he had. The doctors at Saint Vincent Hospital in NYC had no idea what he had - they thought it might have been some kind of liver problem. Anyway, it went away with some kind of cortosteroids, although he was still pretty weak.

He's been sick again now, and the doctors STILL have no idea what he has. The latest bone marrow test shows that he might have acute lymphocytic leukemia. We have an appointment at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center on Thursday, so at least he'll see a leukemia specialist.


So I have no idea what's going on in my life anymore. I was going to take a semester off from school, do some work for Dr. Knight, then perhaps finish next semester. Then my dad was sick, and I thought I could come back every other week to help my mom. But someone needs to be home constantly, because we have two invalids in the house. And now I'm not even sure if I'm going back to school next semester, because if my dad needs chemotherapy, which may take months, I have to stay here.

So... if I DON'T do my masters... I'm not sure if I can get funding if I don't go back next semester. And after all these medical bills no one in my family can pay anymore. And I can't get a job until my parents don't need me anymore - unless I can get a job in which I stay in the house all the time. I suppose that means I could try to find consulting work but as I've discovered when I tried to work on stuff for Dr. Knight, I don't have that kind of time. My mom interrupts me every hour, or even every half an hour, with some household task or other that needs to be done. Or my dad needs something. So I can't focus on anything.

So even if my dad gets better, how will I get a job with a year or more of nothing on my resume? And if my dad doesn't get better, I have no idea what to do - I don't want to lose my dad. And if my mom has a nervous breakdown, there will be 3 invalids, and I won't have a job (nor will I be able to get a job, since I have to take care of them).